Today’s post may be a little bit more controversial than what I usually write- so please keep an open mind when reading and remember that we are all different and entitled to our own beliefs and stances on things 🙂
So this was actually something that caused a HUGE blow up between Mauricio and I when we were planning our wedding. It’s actually the biggest fight we’ve ever had if I’m being honest. Mauricio and I have very opposite views on this subject, but have (obviously) compromised since then.
I should start off by mentioning that I’ve always been a feminist. Some women are afraid to say that because it’s typically carried with a negative connotation, but to me it just means that I believe that I am just as important as a man and should be afforded the same opportunities as they are (and visa versa).
So ever since I was a little girl I couldn’t wrap my head around this idea of fore-going the name that I’ve held for 25 years and taking on someone else’s. Some girls have told me that they feel it is romantic and were happy to take on their husbands last name. And I think thats wonderful! And truly, it kind of is in a way! Mauricio has me in his phone as “Abby Velasco” and I smile every time I see it because it shows that he’s proud to have me as his wife.
However, for me, I just couldn’t comfortably give up Darlington. Some may say that I only feel that way because Darlington is such a great last name, and maybe thats partially true- I’ll never know because that IS my last name and it’s the only one I’ve ever known. So theres no way for me to confidently say that it has ‘absolutely nothing to do with it’.
But honestly and truly, even if that does play a small factor in my decision- the larger majority of it has to do with the principal of the matter. I’ve just honestly never understood why the woman was just expected to change their name and take on the husbands. I think to most people it’s one of those things where they are just like ‘well thats just how it is so who cares … why even make it a big deal?’ and maybe it’d be easier if that’s how my mind worked, but its just not. It’s bothered me since I was little and I just couldn’t comfortably conform to something I didn’t believe in my heart was right.
It’s also about the example I want to set for my future daughter. It’s important to me that I teach her from a young age that she can amount to anything a man can. Thats not to say that if I hadn’t kept my name I couldn’t still set that example, because of course I could. But for me, it just comes down to the principal of the matter and holding your ground when something is truly important to you.
This all being said, Marriage is about compromise. Mauricio was very adamant that I take on the Velasco name, while I was very adamant about keeping the name I grew up with. No one was budging. So after many passionate discussions, prayer, and some guidance from our parents- we agreed that I would take both.
Originally I was going to hyphenate, so Darlington-Velasco, but Mauricio really didn’t like that. I have no idea what the difference is, but he just didn’t like it. So the agreement that we came to was that I would use both last names, but with no hyphen.
So now my name is Abigail Kristine Darlington Velasco….Yes, it’s long and some may say “oh you’re never going to write that all” okay how many times in your day do you actually write your full name out on pen and paper? Probably zero.
My signature is a series of squiggles which could say Princess Consuela Bananahammock (who got that friends reference?) for all anyone knows- so thats a non-factor.
Others may say that its just a mouthful and too hard for people to say. Well frankly, I don’t care. It’s my name, not theirs.
Anyway, my reason for writing this post is for any other women out there who have dealt with/are dealing with this same conflict and need some reassurance that there are other women right there with you. And if you want to keep your last name, then GIRL DO IT! And if you don’t, then that’s cool too! It’s your name and no one else’s opinion should matter! And TRUST ME, other people WILL have an opinion on it so if you do decide to keep your maiden name, just be prepared to let some negative comments slide off your back.
ps- this outfit is from pre-pregnancy, but the vest was restocked and I think its just such a perfect look for this time of year so I’m bringing these pictures back out 🙂 shop the outfit below!
Also, the Tory Burch riding boots are 50% off right now!