Ep. 8; Rappers, Babies, Boobies, and Virgins, Oh My!

It’s finally time to break free of Iowa (phew!)
and travel to the hometowns of the final four ladytestants.
But first, we have to deal with the hot mess britt has created for herself.
My oh my, how the mighty have fallen.
Don’t get me wrong, I think she’s great.
And every woman in Americais sad to see her go
because she’s just so darn pretty.
But… girls gotta learn when it’s time to stick to your guns,
and when it’s time to keep your mouth shut.
After completely tarnishing her nice girl rep with Chris,
she tells the girls that she’s packed her bags and is 99% certain
she is saying sayonara to Mr. Farmington.
Carly, looking for any reason to tear down the queen-bee,
cannot seem to fathom why she is leaving that 1% on the table?!
“See this is what I mean Britt, there is always
contradictions in what you say!”
After a short-lived catfight, Chris Harrison walks in the room to let the girls know that there will be no cocktail party tonight.
Dun Dun DunNnNnnn.
The look of terror on Britt’s face is priceless.
The idea that Farmer Chris may have the last word is just unfathomable.
Queen Bee’s don’t get rejected, they just don’t.
(not that I blame her)
As Chris begins his babbling, Britt interrupts asking to pull
 him aside for a quick chat.
The other girls go bananas, as usual.
Britt begins profusely apologizing for her actions,
but #meanchris comes out and tells her,
“The way Carly reacted is what I look for.
The way you reacted and disrespected everyone around
 is something that I do not want in a wife.”
#toughlove
So Chris kicks her to the curb (quite literally) where Britt sits sobbing so loudly that the girls can hear her from inside.

The camera zooms to Britt’s tear streaked face as she moans
“Carly was my friend, why would she do that?!”
Well, I can say with quite certainty that they will not be friends after this.

Zoom to Carly’s interview,
“It’s fun to watch her squirm. I’ve squirmed so much.
The girl who was the prettiest in the room gets to know
how it feels to be a normal person. How’s it feel?”
Ouch Car, that was kind of harsh!
Unfortunately for her, Chris kicks her hinny to the curb just as well.
#Karma
And now on to hometowns…
First stop, Shreveport, Louisiana
The over-arching theme of Becca’s date revolves around her virginity.
Her family cannot seem to grasp that Becca seems to truly love Chris.
They’re holding hands… and she’s touching his leg?! Gasp!
Chris still doesn’t know she’s actually a virgin though,
just that she’s never been in a serious relationship.
Becca’s holding on to that little piece of info until the
awkward Fantasy Suite Card is presented to her.
Next up, Whitney and Chris take on the Windy City

Whitney starts the date by asking Chris to make a baby with her.
Ha. But really, she works in a fertility clinic.

She makes Chris feel super uncomfortable by sending him to the
“Man Room,” which is equipped with a barcalounger,
 a stack of porn, and a cup. You do the math.
Obviously it’s just a joke, but still, awwwkkkkwardddd.
Back at the house,
Chris meets Whitney’s uncle, grandmother, sister, and brother-in-law.
Whitney’s uncle seems to give Chris the green light,
but when Chris asks Whit’s tough older sister for her blessing,
she awkwardly declines. Well, she says
“ask me again when Whitney is the only one.”

Producers made this seem very dramatic, but quite frankly,
that’s the most logical answer isn’t it?
If a guy asked my father for his blessing as he was
simultaneously dating other girls,
I guarantee his answer wouldn’t have been so cordial.
Canada Pheonix, AZ with Kaitlyn
Apparently, Kaitlyn’s family is loaded and has two homes.
One in Canada and one in Arizona.
#richgirlprobz

The two meet in an alley (normal) which leads to a recording studio
where they attempt to record a rap song.
Thank goodness Kaitlyn is the like the most easy going person on earth,
because listening to Chris’s “rap” voice
is like nails on a chalk board.
Due to the lack of airtime we see of Chris’s interaction with her family,
 I’m guessing it was quite uneventful.
Instead, we see Kaitlyn’s surprise to Chris:
a billboard which reads I Heart Chris.
Hmm… didn’t Chris do something similar for Andy
right before he got the boot?
Risky business Kaitlyn.


Gering, Nebraska; Where “Small Town Values” come to die
Chris arrives at Jade’s humble aboad, where he learns
that he really doesn’t know Jade at all.
He begins the conversation with her father
by talking about Jade’s “small town values,”
which her father quickly negates by stating that she’s actually a
“wild mustang who needs to live free.”
Basically, lay off my daughter.
Jade’s brothers also refer to her as a Wild Mustang
which is semi-weird if you ask me, but to each their own.

Back at hotel, Jade tells Chris that she’s not the nice girl
 he thinks she is. In fact…. she did some nude modeling
back in her younger years.
Gasppppp.
Cue thousands of American’s Googleing Jade’s boobies.

But to our surprise, Farmer Chris really doesn’t have that much of a reaction.
Even when she pulls out her laptop and shows him a video,
which I can only assume from his description,
“taking her pants off and doing a little dance”
is of her doing a strip tease.
Man’s got a good poker face that’s for sure.
And in one of the most articulate speeches he’s had thus far,
 he tells her that he would never judge her based on what she did in her the past.
Bravo Chris.
Excepttttt that he still gives her the boot despite his supposed non-judgment.
And that leaves us with our final three ladies…
Whitney, Kaitlyn, & Becca
Looks like America will get to witness Becca telling Farmer Chris
 that she hasn’t given away her flower yet.
Poor Mackenzie is going to be so jealous.

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Ep. 8; Rappers, Babies, Boobies, and Virgins, Oh My!

It’s finally time to
break free of Iowa (phew!)
and travel to the hometowns of the final
four
ladytestants.
But first, we have
to deal with the hot mess britt has created
for herself.
My oh my, how the mighty
have fallen
.
Don’t get me wrong,
I think she’s great.
And every woman in Americais sad to see her go
because she’s just so darn pretty.
But… girls gotta learn
when it’s time to stick to your guns,
and when it’s time to keep your mouth shut.
After completely
tarnishing her nice girl rep with Chris,
she tells the girls that she’s packed her bags and is 99% certain
she is saying sayonara to Mr. Farmington.
Carly, looking for
any reason to tear down the queen-bee,
cannot seem to fathom why she is leaving that 1% on the table?!
“See this is what I mean
Britt, there is always
contradictions in what you say!”
After a short-lived
catfight, Chris Harrison walks in the room to let the girls know that there
will be no cocktail party tonight.
Dun Dun DunNnNnnn.
The look of terror
on Britt’s face is priceless.
The idea that Farmer Chris may have the last word is just
unfathomable.
Queen Bee’s don’t get rejected, they
just don’t
.
(not that I blame her)
As Chris begins his
babbling, Britt interrupts asking to pull
 him aside for a quick chat.
The other girls go bananas, as usual.
Britt begins profusely
apologizing
for her actions,
but #meanchris comes out and tells her,
“The way Carly reacted is what
I look for.
The way you reacted and disrespected everyone around
 is something that I do not want in a wife.”
#toughlove
So Chris kicks her
to the curb (quite literally) where Britt sits sobbing so loudly that the girls
can hear her from inside.

The camera zooms to
Britt’s tear streaked face as she moans
“Carly was my friend, why
would she do that?!”
Well, I can say with
quite certainty that they will not be friends after this.


Zoom to Carly’s
interview,
“It’s fun to watch her squirm.
I’ve squirmed so much.
The girl who was the prettiest in the room gets to know
how it feels to be a normal person. How’s it feel?”
Ouch Car, that was
kind of harsh!
Unfortunately for
her, Chris kicks her hinny to the curb just as well.
#Karma
And now on to hometowns…
First stop,
Shreveport, Louisiana
The over-arching
theme of Becca’s date revolves around her virginity.
Her family cannot seem to grasp that Becca seems to truly love Chris.
They’re holding hands… and she’s touching his leg?! Gasp!
Chris still doesn’t
know she’s actually a virgin though,
just that she’s never been in a serious relationship.
Becca’s holding on to that little piece of info until the
awkward Fantasy Suite Card is presented to
her.
Next up, Whitney and
Chris take on the Windy City

Whitney starts the date by asking Chris to make a baby with her.
Ha. But really, she
works in a fertility clinic.

She makes Chris feel super uncomfortable by sending him to the
“Man Room,” which is equipped with a barcalounger,
 a stack of porn, and a cup. You do the
math.
Obviously it’s just a joke, but still, awwwkkkkwardddd.
Back at the house,
Chris meets Whitney’s uncle, grandmother, sister, and brother-in-law.
Whitney’s uncle seems to give Chris the green light,
but when Chris asks Whit’s tough older sister for her blessing,
she awkwardly declines. Well, she says
“ask me again when Whitney is
the only one.”



Producers made this
seem very dramatic, but quite frankly,
that’s the most logical answer isn’t it?
If a guy asked my father for his blessing as he was
simultaneously dating other girls,
I guarantee his answer wouldn’t have been so cordial.
Canada Pheonix, AZ with Kaitlyn
Apparently,
Kaitlyn’s family is loaded and has two homes.
One in Canada and one in Arizona.
#richgirlprobz


The two meet in an
alley (normal) which leads to a recording studio
where they attempt to record a
rap song.
Thank goodness Kaitlyn is the like the most easy going person on earth,
because listening to Chris’s “rap” voice
is like nails on a chalk board.
Due to the lack of
airtime we see of Chris’s interaction with her family,
 I’m guessing it was quite uneventful.
Instead, we see Kaitlyn’s surprise to Chris:
a billboard which reads I Heart Chris.
Hmm… didn’t Chris do something similar for Andy
right before he got the boot?
Risky business Kaitlyn.



Gering, Nebraska;
Where “Small Town Values” come to die
Chris arrives at
Jade’s humble aboad, where he learns
that he really doesn’t know Jade at all.
He begins the
conversation with her father
by talking about Jade’s “small town values,”
which her father quickly negates by stating that she’s actually a
“wild mustang who needs to
live free.”

Basically, lay off my daughter.
Jade’s brothers also
refer to her as a Wild Mustang
which is semi-weird if you ask me, but to each their own.


Back at hotel, Jade
tells Chris that she’s not the nice girl
 he thinks she is. In fact…. she did some
nude modeling
back in her younger years.
Gasppppp.
Cue thousands of American’s Googleing Jade’s boobies.

But to our surprise, Farmer Chris really doesn’t have that much of a reaction.
Even when she pulls out her laptop and shows him a video,
which I can only assume from his description,
“taking
her pants off and doing a little dance”
is of her doing a strip tease.
Man’s got a good poker face that’s for sure.
And in one of the
most articulate speeches he’s had thus far,
 he tells her that he would never judge
her based on what she did in her the past.
Bravo Chris.
Excepttttt that he
still gives her the boot despite his supposed non-judgment.
And that leaves us
with our final three ladies…
Whitney, Kaitlyn, & Becca
Looks like America
will get to witness Becca telling Farmer Chris
 that she hasn’t given away her flower
yet.
Poor Mackenzie is going to be so jealous.

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